6/28/2008

Proposal on 'Marriage Protection Amendment'

The momentum is gaining for amending the US constitution to "protect" marriage by defining it to be a union of a man and a women. Here is the text of the proposal introduced in the senate on June 25, 2008, taken from the Library of Congress website:

Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States relating to marriage.

    Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled (two-thirds of each House concurring therein), That the following article is proposed as an amendment to the Constitution of the United States, which shall be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the Constitution when ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years after the date of its submission by the Congress:

`Article --

    `Section 1. This article may be cited as the `Marriage Protection Amendment'.
    `Section 2. Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.'.


Lets look at some of the interesting cosponsors of the bill who are hell bent on protecting the institution of marriage.
  1. Sam Brownback, also know as god's senator, a fiery conservative who even opposes abortion in cases of rape and incest.
  2. Larry Craig, the toe tapping and wide stanced bathroomer from Idaho, who is still not gay. He claims he just overreacted and made a poor decision after his 2007 arrest for alledged cottaging in Minneapolis airport mens restroom. I don't know why the media keeps asking him "Are you gay?" instead of being smart and asking "Are you bisexual?"
  3. James Inhofe, the proud family man, in whose recorded family history, there has never been a divorce or homosexual relationship. This global warming denying republican, also has his own crackpot theory on how 9/11 attacks were god's punishment on USA for not supporting Israel enough!
  4. David Vitter, who was implicated in the now famous DC Madam scandal for using her escort services. The porn magazine Hustler found Vitter's phone number in DC Madam's prostitution service records. On contacting his office, the response was "This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there - with God and them."
So there you go. All it takes to protect marriage is a team or moral crusaders consisting of god's own senator, a still not gay married guy, a crackpot theologist and a sinful married guy whom god (and wife) conveniently chose to forgive as always. You just need to ask for it and he immediately grants you one as long as you are willing to accept Jesus in your life.

6/26/2008

Sex is way more popular than Rama or Krishna in India

Check out google India trends from 2004 till now in the plot below. Its a terrible news for all the self appointed moral policers in India. Inspite of all their enthusiasm and efforts, porn, mp3 and sex still seems to be way way popular than Rama or Krishna.




Some other interesting statistics from google India trends are
  1. Kerala tops the search index for sex related queries like sex, intercourse and oral sex, Madhya Pradesh for porn and Punjab for mp3. The software geek state of Karnataka is not even in the top 10 for sex related searches. Karnataka takes the consolation prize by topping the searches for java!
  2. Kerala is the most "breast friendly curious" state and Punjab the most "boob friendly curious" state.




If there is a god popularity contest right now, Krishna will kick ass. What surprises me is that on a scale normalized to Rama, Jesus scores 2.1 and Allah just 0.3. I don't know how to explain this given that the muslim population is around 13% and christians are only about 2%. Either muslims don't give a shit about Allah (which I doubt) or it just points to the abysmal level of internet penetration in the muslim community.

On a more interesting and global scale, Pakistan tops the search queries for sex followed by Viet Nam, Egypt and India. Romania is at the top position for oral sex followed by India. Now comes the interesting part. India and Pakistan are global leaders when it comes to genitalia or mammary gland curiosity. Pakistan is at the top and India second for intercourse, boobs and breasts. For some reason, Pakistanis are not aware of the word vagina or penis (IP filtering?). They are not even in the top 10 in these searches. Indonesia takes the gold and India the silver for vagina. And finally, India takes the top spot for penis thereby making it the most gayest country.

Conclusion: Indians and Pakistanis are currently the horniest underground creatures on this planet inspite of not making in the top 10 horniest countries list in an askmen.com survey.

6/19/2008

Bal Thackeray and Hindu suicide bomb squads

"It was heartening to know that it was the supporters of Hindutva who had exploded the bomb in the theatre. But it was sad to know that it was planted to hurt the Hindus and I am ashamed about it."
"The need of the hour is to plant a strong bomb in Bangladeshi bastis (slums) that have mushroomed in Thane and elsewhere in Maharashtra,"
Hear the glorious words of aai-f****r Shiv Sena supremo Bal Thackeray. Is this guy for real? These lines seem straight out of his donkey arsehole connected to his stomach rather than his mouth and brains. Its really ridiculous. One 22 year old Rahul Krishnakumar Vaid was charged (thanks to the Indian Penal Code, the India IT Act and google) and potentially faces 5 years jail time for posting "obscene" stuff about Sonia Gandhia in an orkut community called "I hate Sonia Gandhi". And Thackeray dude goes free no matter what!





In any case, I am wondering how the volunteering process to become a Hindu suicide bomber be. From recent trends, it looks like if you are are Hindu Marathi Manus, you can probably jump ahead the line to enjoy the heavens. And since this Thackeray arse wants to counter Muslim bombs by Hindu bombs, he better match the incentives. At the minimum, 72 sexy and virgin Marathi Bais (or Marathi Hunk Manus if you are a gay volunteer) as a reward in heavens for their martyrdom.

Jai Maharashtra, Jai Hind!